so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
40s are totally the cure
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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