I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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