FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize