he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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