i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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