I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You ruined the universe
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
