My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am spending my child support on dildos
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
