haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
