3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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