ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
