last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
