New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
