We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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