I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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