Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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