was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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