sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
