what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
