I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
