god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
