I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
