I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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