I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
