dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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