Where did you get a picture of my penis
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
