I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
