I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
