I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
