Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
