The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
