i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
