What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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