I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
