I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
