i don't like sucking hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize