So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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