i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The air taste purple.
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