Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
