His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
