The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize