he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
