i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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