What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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