Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
