I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
