im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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