were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
