"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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