he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
