I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
