I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
