last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
