Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
