my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
