Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
