I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
