Princesses don't give blow jobs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
