dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
